Explaining, Pleasing, and Comparing Could Be An Endless Cycle, If We Allow It.

Do you have a hard time explaining your feelings? What you're going through? What questions or prayers you need answered? For example, why do we feel the need to "always" explain ourselves to others? Is it cause we are afraid of letting someone down? Or rejection? Or not feel accepted? Maybe we feel like we are not living up to the potential of other people's expectations of how we should be! How we should look! How we should act! How we should deal with situations or individuals, when the time should arise! Maybe it was engraved in our heads at an early age to please our parents, grandparents, teachers etc... There is nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, wanting to "please" is a very normal feeling. Pleasing and Explaining are two different things though. And the two usually get innertwined if we are not careful, and could possibly be taken the wrong way. Thus bringing unwanted situations to deal with in our lives. However, the fact is we all come from different walks of life. We all have different childhoods, different dreams, different goals, different spouses/significant others, different faiths etc. So not all of the decisions we make in our lives are going to make sense to the next person. That is where the attribute of respect comes into play. Respect is when you show good manners, pay attention; treat others as you would like to be treated. Respect is also "earned", not demanded. This is also where judgement comes into play. Let's leave that job to God. After all, He is the one who makes the final judgement decision. Remember, what might work for you, may not work for someone else. For instance, being there for others! Sometimes in my personal life, there are things I have to consider first, that maybe you do not even have to think twice about. And that's ok. We have different bodies. We have different limits. It doesn't make me any better than you, or you better than me. If anything, it should make us MORE humble, more meak, more sensitive to others' and their needs. There are times with my health, I am not able to get out as much as I would like to and visit hospitals, nursing homes, or people's homes who are sick or grieving over a loss. I'm not always able to be involved in every single thing with my family, friends, or church. Then one day, God gave me a glimpse of the role I would play. He gave me a unique job. He showed me, I could still be a TOOL and Glorify Him for others who need help. I can call. I can text. I can e-mail. I can make (my crazy) videos. I can invite them over for coffee. I can be a Prayer Partner. I can be a Prayer Warrior. God has a 'job' for each of us. Not one is the same as the other. So let's embrace our gifts and jobs He has given us. If you are one who has endless energy like the energizer bunny, then; * Embrace it! * Use it! * Give it all you got! * Thank the Lord every day for your ableness and willingness to do the "physical" job He needs done. If you are one who struggles with health issues, and are not able to do the "physical" job, then leave it to those who can. God has a job for you! * Makes those phone calls. * Write a text or e-mail. * Send a card or gift. * Make someone LAUGH (laughter really is the best medicine). Let's not compare our gifts and abilities to one another. Let's encourage and help one another succeed in our own role God has for us. It is my pray if we do this, we will see more revival, more lost souls saved, more happiness, more love, more peace.... MORE of Jesus shining through this dark world. Bind us together in Unity Dear Jesus, Amen~

My Personal Weight Loss Testimony

Since many of you have asked me recently how I've lost weight and kept it off, I thought I'd share with you the things I've done to improve my health.

First and foremost, My "health profile" is very unique. And when I say unique, I mean several of my doctors say most of their patients fall into a common (normal) profile box. Me on the other hand, they say I'm one of those patients who is "outside" the box of norm and I'm always their experiment LOL!  My doctors' and I have worked hard the past 4 1/2 years to finally get a balance of blood levels and other tests they perform routinly. They closely monitor me and work together to help improve my overall state of well-being.

Because of my scolosis and "extra" disc in my lower back, I am very limited with the exercises I can do. My body only tolerates "light" exercises and I have found Leslie Sansone DVD's to be the best result for me.

Next, there are many wonderful products out there you can buy to get your daily vitamines and nutrition. I found what works best for me and my body. With careful watch and monitoring, my chiropractor and  I decided "Ideal Protein" www.idealprotein.com and a combination of vitamines like: thymex, congaplex, black currant seed oil, promaline iodine, immuplex, catalyn, symplex f, calcium lactate, zypan and tuna omega -3 oil.
We have found this to be very helpful and I've had tremendous results.

I am allergic to many different vegetables/fruits (yes I've even tried doing allergy shots for 2 years). So with some tweaking, testing and an EpiPen by my side, I have found the ones that work for me which I eat on a daily basis.

This isn't a diet that will just come and go. I made a concious decision to change my "overall" eating habits.
It's easy for me to choose a bag of grapes over a box of krispi kreme donuts. That's just what they are are "choices".
With the other health issues I face on a daily basis, it's nice to have ONE thing I can control myself.
However, I don't deprive myself of "junk food". I still enjoy these splurges occasionally, but that's just what they are....splurges. I limit my splurge intake and do it in moderation.
The foods I choose are: whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, lean grilled meats, "all natural"  and low sodium products. I watch my carbohydrate and startch intake. I stay away from breaded or fried anything (unless I choose it for my splurge). I use sea salt instead of regular salt; stevia (100% all natural) instead of sugar; and EVOO instead of butter.
I also drink LOTS of water.
Also a website I found to be of great help is www.calorieking.com. And it's FREE.

Below are examples of my daily routine. And as you will see, I eat a lot.  :o)

Breakfast: unlimited water, 1-2 cups coffee with stevia, 1 bowl plain cheerios, 1/2 banana, protein product.
Snack: unlimited water, cheese stick, triskets, apple, almonds.
Lunch: unlimited water, lemon pepper grilled catfish/chicken, 1 salad, 2 cups vegetables.
Snack: unlimited water, grapes, all natural pretzels, or 2 whole wheat toast with all natural peanut butter.
Dinner: unlimited water, lean turkey burger, 2 cups vegetables, 1 salad.
Snack: unlimited water, decaf tea, air popped popcorn, protein product.
*FYI*
I continue to use the (1-2 a day) Idea Protein products to replace cooking protein, simply because I'm not able to cook all the time. Plus, they taste great. I always feel I'm drinking chocolate milk and eating peanut butter candy bars.  :o)

Trials And Tribualtions Bring Forth Deliverance And Being Set FREE

I'm here as a "Standing Survivor" to tell you what God has BROUGHT me through, and what He's DELIVERED me from. I'm not ashamed of my testimony, because the outcome is JESUS WINS!I'm certain there are ones here reading this who have or are going through this sort of abuse or depression that I'm fixen to share with you.
I want YOU to know I'm speaking-out for YOU. God has given me the courage and the backbone to be the "voice" for us victims.
We all need to be "a part" of each others healing process, and to HELP one another through this sort of trauma.
It is only then, when we find ourselves Victorious Survivors.

*With that being said, I would like to mention, There WERE other siblings who were involved with this abuse in my home as well. But I will refrain from including them to protect their privacy. Therefore, I will ONLY talk about the abuse I endured, and what I witnessed through my own eyes.*　
　
My Home Growing Up appeared To Be:

* Fun.
* Full of laughs.
* A church going family.

*A Father = who made people laugh. He was a prankster who was full of life.
*A Mother = who was loved by the youth at church, who one year was voted "Most Popular Counselor" at church camp and they gave her a standing ovation.

Mother ALWAYS made sure I looked my very best for church.

"What A Beautiful Painted Fictional Story."
　
What happened inside those four walls were:
* terror.
* fear.
* neglect.
* loneliness.
* hatred.
* bitterness.
* anger.
* abandonment.
* Mental, Physical, and Sexual Abuse.

A place where the innocence of a child was taken away. Movies that were being watched that should have NEVER been in the house.
Many times bills were not paid do to:
*Self indulgences of material things on my parents part.*
One instance, there was little to no food in my home, and I broke into a friend's house down the road, to eat a bowl of cereal.
Another time, when the electric bill wasn't paid, I was forced to go to our neighbors house, who I quickly found out was a "child predator".
Many times, I tried telling my parents; but it always seemed to fall on "deaf ears".
Dad chose not to believe; while on the other hand, Mom was guilty of this very abuse. She too was a victim and never sought help; but instead took her anger out on me.　
　
Mom's "games" were cruel:

* I was forced to beat on another until there were bruises or uncontrollable crying.
* Mom would take 'advantage' of me in the garage, while my other siblings were at school and Dad was at work.
* Also at times, Mom would drop me off at the public park with NO food or water, and would finally pick me up around dark time.
{ It felt as though she'd forgotten about me.}

At some point, I had ENOUGH!
My Dad was confronted and was told what Mom had been doing. (Dad, who at the time worked 3rd shift and slept most days, was never around to witness this abuse).
Of course Mom denied every bit of it. And when Dad went to work that night, a price was about to be paid for TALKING. And it was painful!
The screams were so loud, that I started crying out to Jesus,
"Dear Jesus, please stop Mommy! Please make Mommy STOP. In Jesus Name, Amen."
I wish I could say it stopped there; but it didn't. It actually got much more worse.

Until one day, Mom didn't come home.
* 3 days went by, and still no sign of her.
* That Wednesday night at church, my pastor of over 25+ years resigned.
* I found out later on, my Mom and the pastor had been having an affair for over a year, and soon after were married.
THIS WAS WHEN MY DAD FINALLY BELIEVED ME ABOUT THE ABUSE!
He went on to tell me this wasn't the first time Mom had an affair. At that point, The "skeletons in the closet" started to come out. And for an 11 year old, this was extremely hard for me to process.
　
At this point, I was coming into my teenage years:
* Completely lost.
* I trusted NOONE.
* Started experiencing with drugs and alcohol.
* Quickly started losing respect for myself and my body.
* Willingly put myself in unhealthy relationships with men.
* Found myself in a deeper pit of dispare.
* Started believing NOONE wanted me around.
* I convinced myself, I 'was' a mistake.
Then came the suicide thoughts that quickly turned into "reality". I had overdosed many times on pills, I should NOT even be here writing this.
Many times, I sat in my car with the engine running in a closed-in garage. Again, I should NOT be here.
　
It took me placing "healthy boundaries" with certain ones (and FORGIVING them) and making a clean fresh new start.
And so the decision was made for me to move to Tennessee.....where my healing started to begin.

* Different ones had invited me to an Apostolic church. (I had never felt so ALIVE and FREE to worship in my whole life).
* Started really digging into the Bible.
* Started believing in myself.
* Started loving myself.
* Started being more independent. (Got me a good job and my own place.)
* Got baptized In Jesus Name.
* Jesus filled me with His precious Holy Spirit in a Revival in 2003.

Slowly but surely, chains were being broken. My "mind" was no longer bound. It took me believing in ME. It took others believing in ME.
I could finally deal with my past, because no longer was there someone saying, "Shhh, don't talk about this."
I finally felt "LIFE"......and it felt GOOD!

Later on, is when I would meet my future spouse, who at first I thought was a jail in-mate because he sat by Bro. Wes who I knew did the "jail ministry" at church. Jeremy (now my husband) also LOOKED like an in-mate. He would often work outta town, and hadn't had a hair cut in quite some time, and his long hair parted right down the middle, like curtains on a window.
Come to find out, Bro Wes and Jeremy are cousins!
 :-)

Your spouse can either be a help or a hindrance. I am so very thankful my husband is a help. Soft words and a soft heart; who encourages me every day to live with a purpose.
Most husbands would run....in fear of not knowing how to help someone with this kind of past. But Jeremy has been my rock, my protector, my BIGGEST cheerleader cheering me on.

Now, I would like to share with you a VERY REAL vision/dream I had, that I feel is very important to add to my testimony.
"A few years ago, I saw a vision as I awoke in the middle of the night. There were angels hand in hand and they made a complete circle all the way around my house. I could see them moving (as in using force like when you play the game Red Rover). But NEVER did their chain break. I looked all around, but all I could see was darkness, pitch blackness BEHIND them."---Satan and his army will NEVER give up trying to tear your walls down. But if you keep the ONE and ONLY saving name, Jesus, as your Saviour, Protector, Strong Tower, Lord of ALL, He promises to fight your battles. He will send His angels from heaven to protect you. He will keep you from harm. But you have to give Him your ALL. Not just a little here and there....but 100%.
In conclusion, No matter how young or old you are, it's NEVER too late to deal with abuse, depression, or suicidal thoughts you may be having.
Do not go one more day feeling numb to the world.
It is nothing to be ashamed about.
Talk to someone.
If you have noone to talk to, you can ALWAYS contact or email me; and I will be happy to pray WITH you.
*Remember*
"No one should EVER feel alone!"
　
　
　

Got Spoons?

"But you don't look sick?"

I'm sure people think this a lot when they see a (what seems to be) normal person who on the outside doesn't appear to have anything wrong. A friend of mine once said: "Try living in this body, and then you will understand."

Fibromyalgia is a REAL disease. And the worst thing for fibro- patients (or any chronic pain illness) is thinking we have to proove to people just how bad we are really hurting. I stopped worrying about that a long time ago. God knows how bad my pain levels are. He knows just what I have to do to keep them under control.

There are alotta good products out there, and my doctors' do a wonderful job keeping my pain levels and other health issues stable. But sometimes when "stress or circumstances" get outta my control, my body will react the way it wants to. This also causes my other health issues to act up, and sometimes it ain't pleasant.
I completely rely on God. I know He and only He can heal my body 100% of all pain. I find the only time I feel "no pain" what so ever is when I am In The Spirit, dancing and rejoicing before the Lord at church.

I will believe and continue to believe my God will heal me one day. Until that time, He has given me wonderful doctors, an awesome support group, and helpful tools to work with.
I do what is right for me. I know what works for my body. And I take those steps when necessary. The Lord has always given me that "doing things in moderation" motivation. And that is just what I do.

So with the holidays approaching, "The Spoon Theory" has become a daily mind-set. Although I would LOVE to do everything on the calendar (christmas parties, christmas dinners, shopping with friends, dining out with loved ones);---and this don't even include me running errands and go to doctor appointments (which also are like 5 spoons taken right there). I have to pick and choose which "spoon" I will use that day, and save the rest for another activity maybe that's coming up later in the week.

It's hard to explain to people just the "getting ready" part exhausts me. Moving too much, going from here, there and everywhere literally makes me feel like I've been hit by a freight train.
I could sit here all day and explain to you in detail about my daily rountine; but this young lady (who've I've attached at the end of this blog) explains it to a "T". **please disregard one slang word she uses**.
Even if you don't have this disease or any chronic pain illness, but know someone who does, please watch this video. So then you will beable to understand a little better of what a loved one, who does have a chronic pain illness, is facing on a daily basis.

So as I close this blog, please remember "Choose your spoon wisely". If I've saved a spoon for you, that means I think you're pretty special. And even if you are already special to me, but I have no more spoons left, please don't be offended when I have to sit this one out. (That's when a text, email, call, or coming over and watching movies together will be more helpful for my body).  :O)

And remember "laughing" is the BEST medicine there is!
Make wonderful memories this holiday season!
Don't get discouraged!
Pray for one another!
Be positive and hopeful that God will not leave you, as long as you cling to Him.

In Him,
Rebecca

https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.johnsonsmith


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn5IBsm49Rk&list=FLk2QhPXfqRGjdveu8Ws2DHQ&index=1&feature=plpp_video


http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/